Hanging With The Homeless - aka WWJD (What Would John Do?)

I didn’t really plan that hiatus...

In the words of John Winston Lennon; “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”. What can I say? Life happens.

Hello, by the way.

So, a lot of water under the bridge and even more alcohol down my gullet in the 18 or so months since the last ‘blahg’ (as my hero Hank Moody might say). How the devil are you? You’ve changed your hair. And you’re looking in the rudest of health by the way. Nicely done.

So why blahg again? Why now? Who flicked the switch to the Blahg Signal? Will any of this ever fall into a coherent narrative arc?…

Seeing as I’ve sat staring at the patiently blinking cursor on a taunting blank page for some time now - valid questions all. But first, a word from our sponsor:

“So this is Christmas, and what have you done?…” Mr Lennon started demanding of me every time I entered a store from the end of September onwards. Hark! Time to heed the seasonal clarion call for amassing untold shiny things for ambivalent family members by means of a credit card more fit to burst than a chocolate fisted fat lass on Boxing Day. Fa la la la freakin’ la.
But no. No! Whilst Santa showed (and received) his true colours by being a Lap-land-dog of Coca Cola, surely what we’ve learnt most from the true origins of Christmas is - always book ahead if you require a Manger during the holidays? Because without a healthy dollop of human kindness, Jesus would have started life as a homeless person. And last time I looked, there’s no Big Issue seller in the Nativity.

*Brace yourselves! Here comes the narrative arc*

For a couple of years now I’ve mulled and whined about helping out in a homeless shelter at Christmas. Given my domestic situation, Christmas is always a moveable feast and starts the moment my kids arrive regardless of the date. This year fo shizzle I was going to be Home Alone for the lead-in to Mr Of Nazareth’s big day, thus time to put my time where my mouth is.

And so, for two days prior to Chrimbo, I joined a delightful throng of volunteers at homeless charity Crisis’ North London Day Centre. Crisis do amazing work, not just in lobbying and raising awareness/addressing public ignorance, but in playing host to around 3,000 homeless guests during the season of goodwill to all. The volunteers I met and chatted with over my two 7 hour shifts were a delightful microcosm of society and some of the most inspiring and wonderfully entertaining people I’ve met. There was a smattering of full-on do-gooders that clearly wanted to make the situation about them and their life-changing capabilities, but on the whole we were a large, motivated team that at times felt guilty about how much fun we were having. No chore seemed menial, no request went unheeded. And most importantly, it was all about the guests.

I had the privilege in spending time with quite a few of the guests, on the whole jokers and characters with charisma bigger than most folks overdrafts. There was no ‘woe is me’. No expectation of hand-outs. Just decent human beings and victims of circumstance that on most days of the week struggle to get eye contact from their fellow human - enjoying the company of others.

Rather symbolically, one gentleman guest known by his initials - JC, has a birthday on Christmas Day. So grateful is he for the work that Crisis do, each year he concocts some creative event to raise money for the charity. He sees none of the money himself and goes about raising it with a pride and industry that I find lacking in some of my colleagues.

Whilst on point greeting guests to the centre I met another older gentleman who had me in peels of laughter. He was a walking encyclopaedia of spirited bad jokes and puns. Currently selling the Big Issue to try and better his situation, we were able to offer him a variety of services during his visit.

Later that day, there was to be a karaoke session at the Centre and I asked the gentleman if he could carry a tune. For the next few minutes, without breaking eye contact, he serenaded me word & pitch perfect with the song ‘Nobody’s Child’ (popularised by artists as varied as Hank Williams Jnr, Billy Connolly & the Traveling Wilburys). There were goosebumps. There was a fighting back of (my) tears. He wasn’t singing for pity but the poignancy of the lyrics was the ultimate sucker punch for me. I’ll think of that song and that moment every time I start whinging about not being able to afford this & that, just to remind me of what a blessed life I lead. Angels often come in the unlikeliest of forms.

So in the true spirit of altruism I failed, as I’m sure I got far more from that encounter than our guest did. And not just to make up for that, but because in my privileged position it’s the very least I can do, I’ll definitely be returning to help out in whatever way I can next year.

"So this is Christmas, and what have you done?..." Me? I've had a blast!

If you get the chance, I recommend the experience. And if you need any help in busting the myths about homelessness, Crisis have some great info here: http://crisis.org.uk/

Oh, as to those ‘blahg’ related questions posed earlier, well - I’ll answer them another time in a blahg with more levity and brevity, I promise. Well, levity certainly…

So in parting, in the words of Tiny Tim from the greatest Christmas story of all - the Muppets Christmas Carol; “Blahg bless us, everyone!”

Stay Positive.
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