The Selfish Jean Genie

So, sorry for the hiatus. Had a little interlude of self absorption. Apologies. I hope you’ve stayed true to your six year old self in my absence.

Now whilst up for mischief this weekend as always, it’s also traditionally a time for chores. And of course anyone who’s attended the Super-Nanny schools of either Mary Poppins or Snow White knows that the job is done in half the time - if you let a little Disney into your life.
By this I don’t mean sitting in front of interminable re-runs of that human personification of a rape alarm - Hannah Montana - which is chore enough in itself.

What you may like to try however, whether it be hanging out the washing, wielding a broom, or slaving over a loom, if you have one - is joining your imaginary animated helpers is a rousing verse of Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo as you brush away those cobwebs, actually & metaphorically. I find it leads to enormous well-being and very occasionally a swift short Sectioning.

Another thing I like to do when I’m in a bind - particularly when I feel the red mist of road rage broiling into dark storm clouds - is to misappropriate names of Disney characters to use as curses. It’s a great way to check unreasonable stresses and give cause to laugh at oneself and the ridiculousness of the situation you find yourself in.

For example - some of my favourite disses: Mufasa, Kuzco, Mushu, Pumbaa and of course the redoubtable Lady Kluck. I’m sure you can come up with many others to suit a multitude of scenarios. Please try it.

Such toying & frivolity, whilst amusing me personally no end, is of course foundation on which to stand firm the basic tenet of Why So Serious? You can analyse it way down to the chemical emissions that support well being and optimism, whatever, but the way I see it - to coin a recent phrase - is ‘survival of the nicest’.

Okay, so ’nice’ is one of those terms many now balk at. It’s been overused to the point of devolution - meaning on the whole ‘bland’ or ‘innocuous‘. The Collins English dictionary warns us to ’use sparingly’. “Nice Guys Finish Last” Green Day once warned us. This from the nicest (but subsequently the most influential) guys in punk.

And so for a while ’altruistic’ was coined as reward for those ’nice’ people with commendable social responsibility towards others. Many have been lauded for their trailblazing in altruism; Mother Teresa, Bob Geldof, Geri Halliwell (kidding) - all acting to help others above themselves - in periods when they didn’t have a book coming out.

But then someone managed to get a Grant to investigate the nature of altruism as some believed altruism didn’t fit the template for Evolution as laid down by Darwin. It couldn’t be as simple as just being ‘nice’. There had to be a more sinister, selfish agenda. Thus, amoebae forming cellular slime moulds, it was discovered, are verging on the sociopathic until starved, at which point some will sacrifice themselves - but then only for the good of the greater organism - so they may live on in essence.

For as the philosopher Spock once said; “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few (or one).” ...Star Trek II - The Wrath of Khan.

Human (and Vulcan) altruistic behaviour has been likened to the martyrdom of the amoeba - citing the example of a patriarch/matriarch giving their own life to save that of their family as simply safeguarding the propagation of hereditary genes. Putting the selfish into selflessness.
Which kind of over-eggs the pudding somewhat. Altruism seems to have mutated as a concept into something where the perpetrator of a kind act has to somehow suffer as a consequence, there-by throwing up the argument that they’re either certifiable - or that there must be (longer term) something in it for them.

But the pure definition of altruism hinges around ‘selflessness’ not ‘self sacrifice’. Being hyper-analytical about it is fine if you’re funding a theses, but to the majority of us, can’t we just be a little bit - dare I say it - ‘nice’?

My mother is a shining example. Through her life she has been a true altruist. Okay so she’s getting a bit outspoken and militant in her old age, but this does not denigrate any of the wonderful community support she has enacted over the years. And whilst still possessing a modicum of Faith, it hasn’t been through religious motivation that she’s ‘loved thy neighbour’. She’s been pure selflessness in action.

Now whilst genetically I understand how involuntarily our brains and bodies may drive us to certain behaviours, as super-evolved sentient beings, we also have the power to exact choice in following certain moral codes. And whether it be from charitable donations, volunteer work, or just a human ‘niceness’ in the way we interact with others, true altruists - and I firmly believe they exist - have no hidden agendas.

It’s easy to be browbeaten into inaction. Global Warming - to cite an example - has effected a triptych of camps. The devout non-believers, the passionate activists and the passive defeatists. But even in such a massive, global issue - we all have a part to play. We can all influence a change for good - or if you will - a change for ‘nice’. So a little bit of altruism ought to be a piece of cake (quite literally, if you are technically proficient at baked goods with acquaintances of a sweet tooth).

I’ve hinted at Random Acts of Kindness (RAK) before - and whilst I’ve been shabby in my practicing these of late, I’m a firm believer in the positive ripple effect they have - once you get past the initial suspicion of the recipient. Danny Wallace’s excellent life-affirming Join Me book is a good document in the power of RAK (I’m not on commission before you question my altruism) if you haven‘t already thumbed it.

We can all play a part in performing RAK - and I’m sure some of you already do. There is however a danger to try and incite such activity, much in the way that having an organised ‘spontaneity hour’ every day is overshadowed in irony, in that it should be from the heart and not product of a pointy stick.

In the States (where-else) there is a Random Acts of Kindness Foundation - promoting RAK week in February and World Kindness week in November (so make sure you start storing up your goodwill in readiness!).

Nice idea, but maybe a little questionable in the execution.

So all I’d say - to those true altruists out there - is give it some thought. Think what it means to you and how you could make a difference to those around you. If you really wanted to go to town, you could have some kind of RAK anthem on your mp3 music playing device - a timely prompt that literally plays on ‘random’.

Remember - RAK don’t have to cost money. And hopefully in time will - if they are not already - become second nature.

Leading by example, we can only hope that others follow.

And whilst some might say it’s a selfish motivation, I think it’s ‘nice’ to have your ripples felt.

Stay positive

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Difficult First Album Syndrome

Gone is the time when record company Exec’s demanded: ‘where is the Hit Single?’. More pressing in these days of chart decline is the questionable question: ’which song would be great for Sky Sports’ ident’s?’ or ’which is the new Morrison’s ad?’

I was recently quizzed by a friend (I’m not permitted to use ’chum’ in this instance) on why I’d be happy to rest on my laurels and accept a ’created by’ and/or ’executive producer’ credit on my own sitcom (here’s hoping! March 25th is rapidly approaching…) rather than write the whole darn thing myself. My rather shaky justification was that - rather than me being a sole shining beacon for quality control, to ensure the quality I’d at least like to muck in with a pool of writers. On my head alone be it?… Are you mad?!!…

Rather eloquently (I thought - although I think the wine had been flowing freely (if not free) for some time at this point (it was mid-afternoon, after all)) I pontificated - I had moulded all my best work into a really solid Pilot episode. Surely that was like a band putting their tried and road tested bestest material onto the debut album before struggling with all subsequent follow ups - never living up to all that hype and potential.

I’d sculpted my great first album, I reasoned. I’d lit the torch for others to then run with. Perfectly reasonable, no? No.

My friend - with characteristic laser like logic - pointed out that by writing a Pilot episode, I had merely written a single for the album. Nothing more. Surely nothing less than an entire series equates to that debut album? Yes? Yes. Arse.

And so I’ve knuckled down. I do have plotlines and character arcs for a first series and am about to throw down episode three, which effectively brings me to a close on side one. At this rate side two may be mostly instrumental…

With friends like this, who needs Agents?

But it’s friends like this that keep us grounded and distanced from the delusional excuses we can occasional be prone to propping up our inactivity.

After all, it would be nice to realise that potential.

A few days after this revelation my attention was drawn to another piece of neglected writing, a children’s book with a Green theme that I’d written when the Green Agenda wasn’t even considered worthy a post-it note.

Spurred by ’trim your bin’ week at school, my youngest asked if she could take to school the book I’d written and illustrated for her big sister when she was nought but a wee little lady, a lifetime ago from the savvy independent woman she’s grown into and who I’m so immensely proud of. Absolutely not a problem. We shoehorned the leaves into protective wallets and off it went to be read in class. Collecting my youngest from school last Friday, she instructed me to wait whilst she fetched her teacher to heap praise upon me (modesty be damned - her teacher is hot!) ‘Teach’ spoke my thoughts in that the book is more topical now than ever - and thus there is a ready made audience out there.

So today, along with a more recent effort of my writing & illustrating a children’s story, I’ve bundled up my labour of love and despatched to a worthy (and ethical) publisher, in the hope of future glories (and animated series royalties).

Consider backside kicked.

Hopefully you’ve got people like this in your life, people to spur you into action. Because we’ve all got stuff in mothballs in the closet or under the bed. And providing they’re not monsters or sexual depravities, perhaps it’s time to dust them down?…

Stay creative.
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Director's Commentary

Who do you think would win in a fight between the stylists of each Coldplay, U2 & the Killers? Answer: who cares? As long as they’re preoccupied with fighting they won’t be able to dress up our rock stars as utter twats…

Just thought I’d throw that in.

Hello.

So another week bouncing around the UK as a lone voice for the TMFA (Too Many F’ing Acronyms) this week made all the better from the fleeting presence of Sol (that’s the fiery mass, not the lager). Because whilst as we’ve previously learnt - everything is better with bubblegum (barring soup and oral sex) - the same can of course be said about a good dose of sunshine (barring funeral scenes in gritty dramas and waking up next to Gordon Ramsay).

But even that sometimes isn’t enough to buoy me through endless meetings that seem to exist for the sole purpose of talking about what we are going to be talking about. I heard recently about an organisation where meetings all lasted no longer than 15 minutes. Genius! It would certainly cut down on the amount of people furiously agreeing in their own words - on an endless loop. It’s got to the stage now where inside my head I have playing the works of Oasis as transformed into elevator muzak in a bid to stop my blood from boiling.

You might not pick Oasis, but try the same principle with your own band of choice should you have the need.

Failing that - try this…

In the past I’ve been asked - and in turn asked others - ‘who would play you in the movie of your life?’ Recently I’ve gone beyond that and asked myself ’who would narrate the movie of your life?’ My number one go-to guy would have to be Morgan Freeman, in the vague hope that he would add gravitas to the tomfoolery that fluffs up my existence:
‘Little did Steve Rosier know on that fateful Tuesday morning, that the events about to unfold would have a profound impact upon his life - and resonate with a determined purpose throughout the rest of his days…’

More fitting would be the vocal stylings of Brian Blessed:

‘WHAT?!! WHAT IN THE NAME OF SATAN’S BALLS IS ROSIER DOING?!! THE MAN’S A BLETHERING IDIOT!!! WUHAHAHAHAHA!!!…’

How about you?


Stay positive.
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