Big Issues… Or - Why Does Every Woman I Go Out With Turn Into A Homeless Person?…

…because there comes that time in a relationship where the demand for ‘change’ becomes like the mantra of a zombie hobo. And it’s kinda driving me nuts.

Oh, hello, by the way…

Once was a time where I’d get so giddy over the affections of a lovely lady that I’d invariably wake up married. Then dawned an age where the slightest hint at relationship earnestness had me spinning for the hills like a gyroscope on acid. Recently on a boozy night out with a great chum, I joked about remedying this by proposing to a random passer-by and was swiftly bundled into a cab by said friend and promptly frog-marched onto my train.

So I find myself caught between a rock and - at times - a lonely place. And partially I put this down to the aforementioned overriding desire for change.

What is it about human nature that drives us to take something we’re perfectly happy with only to stamp one’s mark all over it in some nihilistic customisation job, f***ing up beyond recognition what attracted us in the first place?

Whether it be partners, office space, cars, mobile phones - we seem to have this primal need to spray our ‘territory’ with taint; activity that purports to be driven by individuality to the point that the only true individuals are the ones shunning such pressurised rituals.

‘Change’ is a relationship black hole, sucking in all individualism so that all those things that drew you together - the things that once made all the cheesy & trite love songs on the radio ’so true’ / the things that now somehow through a bizarre twist in physics - physically repel one from the other …so that all those traits, quirks & foibles have to go, or you do.

There was a musical comedy playing a few years back with the wonderful title; ‘I love you, you’re perfect, now change!’ Now I’ll hold my hand up to some personal qualities that I’m not too proud to have as the tombstones of my past that I’ve since cast into the abyss. We all have the capacity to self improve for the better, this I don’t deny. But beyond that, to entertain demands for the retraction from personal tastes, wants and likes to make you more ‘easier to live with’ - like some anaesthetised Stepford Spouse? Surely if you truly love someone, you wouldn’t ask them such a thing?

See, my fear now, with a few long term relationships/marriages under my belt, is not of commitment but of seeing someone I love turning in on their self, devolving into some succubus of banality - and expecting me to follow suit.

I’m just not wired that way. I don’t see that as being selfish - more as ‘self’ preservation.

Now I just need to find someone of a similar mindset - and force them not to change…

Stay unique.
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